Before becoming a serious muslimah and hijabi, there have always been influences in my life as there are in others'. You know, that relative(s) in hijab who wore it dutifully and completed all 5 prayers. The one you hid your gum from at the masjid during Ramadan. The one you'd dress up in long sleeves for and make salat with.
It was fun while it lasted.
But there was always that friend or neighbor who also adopted hijab and in my case, a whole neighborhood full. You'd watch them silently, following their every movement and asking them all the time for advice on any 'muslim-related' incident. While you struggled to stay awake at Sunday School, you assumed they breezed through the Qur'an and knew what to say when during prayers. It wasn't envy, but they were your role models. Their facades kept you questioning your own acts and deeds. But what happens when that shatters? You're left with a plate of lies and having to form your own ideas on how to wear hijab, how to pray & how to act. Which we should all be doing when we come 'of age'.
Also a pet peeve of mine is part-time hijabers. Now nobody was perfect when they started wearing hijab, nobody. Even I bent the rules a few times and I own up to it. It was bad and it's in the past, alhamdulillah. But the hijabis who do know better and commit indecent acts while in the hijab renders the hijab worthless. Hijab is not just a piece of cloth. It's a mindset. While in the first couple of years, a hijabi has to update her whole wardrobe, cherry pick her friends, limit activity with male colleagues, so on and so forth. It can be overwhelming and I understand that. Nobody's perfect (Hannah Montana totally copped that off of me)and insha'allah that shouldn't stop any hijabi to become a better person. But I feel like such a sissy when I don't have the guts to tell hijabi doing something wrong that it's wrong. Insha'allah I ask for courage and you know what, maybe I will. Yeah they'll be mad for a while, but atleast you did something right and insha'allah they learned something new. There's always room for improvement sisters :]
But back to the main topic, once you find out your hero isn't so innocent, you start doubting everything you've ever believed in. Which is why it's better to choose your 'idols' carefully because not everything is how it seems to be. I hope I can be a better role model for my sister and as a muslimah but everyone stumbles. Only Allah swt can forgive us and lead us on the right path.
My Islamic resolution:
Cut the Bull crap and be assertive when I need to be
Help sisters in need
Fight for the cause of Islam and those who are oppressed
Fight for myself :]
All praise is due to Allah swt and all fault is mine
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