Heavy Duty Studying!

May 1st, 2010

So, like other bloggers in the blogosphere... I HAVE EXAMS COMING UP!

Actually, I just took my SAT IIs today T_T

And I just wasn't expecting the math portion to be so hard dang it. Although the U.S History part was a breeze.

Anyway, that wasn't the interesting part of my day. Afterwards, me and two of my friends went to Borders, a bookstore at the local Mall, and just studied...

for 6 hours.

Since we had upcoming AP US History, AP Calculus (them, not me lol) and AP English Language tests this week and the next week.

CRAMMING FTW!

It was hilarious partly because of the people at the cafe part of the bookstore.

There was one man there who'd been snoring when we came in and proceeded to snore for the next two hours. Another guy there told us he'd been asleep for the past 4 hours... wow.

And then we'd take a free sample of coffee whenever the cashiers switched shifts, kekeke

hey, we're broke students, WE DESERVE SAMPLES! (okay not really, we were saving whatever money we had for lunch)

And at around 6:30 pm we STILL weren't done with the day.

We'd bought tickets to watch the adorable musical ANNIE for 7:30 pm and quickly went home, dropped all of our studying things and rushed over to the school.

It was extremely cute. I wish I'd taken pictures.

All in all, tiring day, but tomorrow... ALL OVER AGAIN!

(sans the Standardized testing and musical... just studying!)

I have a bunch of posts lined up but I'll probably post them later due to intense studying and sleep deprivation.

<3

P.S I honestly can't wait until this school year is over. I've been working my butt off to get top grades since this is the report card that counts (thankfully I now have a 3.8 GPA again T_T I've missed it so much since freshman year)

It.. wasn't.. awkward

April 22nd, 2010

So, I went to our scheduled anti-prom hoping for the worst (okay not really) ...and I was pleasantly surprised!

My friend who had 'disagreement's' with the invited friend was totally civil.

If anything, I didn't feel any awkwardness.

[Morning]

So I wake up at 9:15 am because I know it takes me forever to get ready.

After calling my other friend to wake up (she was going to drive me and the invited friend there) I ended up wearing a striped navy top with a navy hijab (my latest hijab find :P) an offwhite vest over the navy top, dark wash jeans and silver flats (to match my silver earrings :DD)

At around 11:30 we had all gathered at the restaurant.

I know, I know, who eats lunch at 11?!

But we were on a tight schedule (it had to end by 3 since the first friend had to go to a wedding)

The waitress probably thought we were 21 or something.. (or at least old enough to drink) and told us about the beer specials...

It was awkward.

But me and my friend ordered strawberry daiquiris.

:D

VIRGIN Strawberry Daiquiris (You guys should know me better than that hehe)

It was basically a strawberry smoothie.. interesting.

[Afternoon]

After lunch, we headed out to Golfland and played mini-golf!

It was an intense 18 holes, but I ended up being in 2nd place.

~Oh yeah, I matched my golfball to my hijab!~

Anyway, if you notice my right sleeve is a bit up... it's because I had just fished out my ball from the water. (And I generally hate pictures of myself :P Especially when I'm caught unawares!)

Epic fail.

[After after noon]

So then, after most of my friends left home since it was 'over', me and my friend who drove me there waited with another friend who's parents were coming in an hour.

lol.

We spent that time at the arcade, and then drove to the mall across the street... where we hung out at Borders for the next half hour.

Overall a great day! :D

Even though Prom was at night. I would have liked this anti-prom party to start at around 6 and then we could've gone out and watched a movie... but overall, with what time we had, it was pretty kick-butt :D

(Now about Senior Ball.. I know it's in a year and I have PLENTY of time to consider or reconsider but I think I'd want to go to that. Too bad my Dad won't let me)

Picnic/Clear Skys/Break

April 1st, 2010

TODAY.

The beginning of my spring break.

The beginning of the rest of our lives.

And I found out I'm pregnant.

Okay not really. (April Fool's!)

But it WAS the MSA picnic. Now dubbed the 2nd Annual MSA Picnic.

It also doubled as a photo shoot since my friend needed a model for her photography project.

Guess who got to be the model? (Me.)

Oh yeah.

It was nice, I'm glad it didn't rain and more importantly, no school for the next week!

I have been on blogger, I've just been extremely lazy

I've recently come to love fashion >.>

I know, I'm a little late on the bandwagon. And since I have nothing better to do with my life (besides you know.. go to school and sleep), I've been stalking blogs with a fashion theme to sort of.. spice up my wardrobe.

Give a 'new life' to my half of the closet (I share..)

I got my SAT scores today (everyone was frantically checking them in my 2nd period class on someone's iTouch, hehe)

And let's just say I didn't do so hot...

Um. Yeah.

No school tomorrow so a day filled with movies, masjids and ..moolah (I needed another m word)

And I shall commence study-mode for my upcoming AP testing and SAT Subjects test (And SAT I retakes T_T)

I promise to occasionally post.

Just to let you all know I'm still alive :D

Seven things I hate about You

March 2nd, 2010

(Oh MY! Time really does fly by! I have my SATs on March 13th, T__T)

Okay, no it's really a seven things about moi ;D

I was tagged by Wrestling with Religion and I'm flattered, so I might as well get to it!

I shall also strive to keep it short and simple, heh (I'm sure you guys are used to my understatements these days >.>)

1) I'm a junior in High School. There. I said it. The mystique of my background and what not is basically over by now. I didn't normally talk about my background or age because most people in my real life do not know about my blog, but I'm pretty sure they won't find out (I mean you guys don't even know my real name ... except for like 5 of ya'll.. or less...)

2) I love music. -waits for rocks to be thrown- Okay, yeah. I love music. I love singing. Those are pretty much things I won't give up (Define music in whatever way you will) because, if I may say so, I'm pretty good at it. I'm even humming a song from Yuna at the moment ('These Streets' is my favorite song at the moment )

3) The intersection of Race and Gender is a topic I'm wholly interested in and discussions of religion/philosophy is something I could probably spend hours on (overstatement). Maybe that's why I love lurking on Wrestling with Religion, Racialicious and MuslimahMediaWatch. Although I may have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, I know what classes I definitely want to take in college. [Hint: Bowling is not one of them]

4) I'm a pretty lazy person. Even if I sleep at 9 pm, I'll probably wake up around 9 am, twelve hours later. I just love sleep. I was born sleeping! (No, seriously, the doctors probably thought I was dead, that's how silent I was)

5) I'm a people watcher. I love looking out for the minute details in people's expressions and the way they interact with one another (... and to your left we see the caged specimens... just kidding) I don't eavesdrop, just look... if that makes sense

6)I actually forgot how I first began to blog. I think I was googling something about hijabis and found Beautiful Muslimah (now defunct) and then saw Hegab Rehab.... so I made a blog to follow them. Then gradually made my own. I mean, I've technically had this since my Sophomore year and looking back at old posts... I see plenty of growth (which is a good thing!) My views have changed, my beliefs slightly altered, but I'm a work in progress. It's a never ending journey for knowledge and discovering myself, and maybe, just maybe, this blog can reflect that. [This isn't really anything new about me.. or is it? I still think its valid!]

7) GAH. I hate the last of these 'About Me' things. Because I always run out of things to say. Well, what else do you people want to know? OOH. I'm a chatty person.. sort of. Blame my parents. I mean, when I was younger, you literally had to push me to say hi to people. But now I can make small talk to anyone, even the school nurse. I guess its from all those years watching my mom and dad talk with cashiers, delivery men and women, neighbors, managers, random man at a drive-in, e.t.c You get the point.

And now it is 9:52 pm, I've finished all of my homework, and I should probably get to sleep. I've gotten the book 'Women and Gender in Islam' by Leila Ahmed and will commence reading it!

[[Oh and that whole 'World is going to end thing' from the previous post? I assume you're all familiar with the 8.8 quake in Chile, the potential shifting of the axis on Earth, and the middle school shooting that happened last week? If not, I refer you all to Professor Google, he's also a part-time Shaykh! :D]]

[[P.P.S Don't forget. You can still enter to win $5000 from LuShae Jewelry! Its still up! Heck, even I entered, its that good :D]]

G'night.

Hell Week

February 27th, 2010

[Long rant/overview of week]

...Yeah. My faith in humanity is pretty much gone :)

I think I went crazy, so the smiley face is there for a reason.

This week has been hell -hence the title-

I mean, right after Winter Break (which I cherished... oh .so. much), I had all of these projects and essays and tests.

WTF

So I've been sleep deprived. Meaning lack of internet usage (besides for 'academic' reasons) and lack of posts.

I'd say sorry, but I think my school should. They're the ones slowly killing me.

Luckily, I made it through the week (ta- Da!)

oh, you want to know what was actually keeping me up?

Welllll, mainly Science Fair .

And FANTASTICKS practice(it stands for something, but essentially Battle of the Classes)

and Digital Connectors (that afterschool community service thingy)

Interviewing for a position on E.A.C (Environmental Action Club) and recycling with them on wednesday

Actual Life (or lack of, since I have homework)

e.t.c

So due to material complications (the first I tried to order my Dissolved Oxygen Water Meter, I didn't realize I was buying the case for it -no wonder it was so cheap- and after two weeks of waiting for it, we found out ._. It's actually 500 dollars -basically all of the funds FOR my class to do their projects- and it came yesterday.... the science fair was today)

I had to use an inadequate meter (no idea how it worked, so maybe my data is a tad off) and I was only left with three days to do my project (Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday)

Stayed up until midnight to finish my presentation board on tuesday and had an hour to do all other homework (5 hours of sleep)

Today was sciencepalooza, and I didn't win anything (I don't mind) but HEY, now I don't have to do Second semester finals for Physio!

And that's all that matters ;)

Next, I had a big College Night for Digital Connectors, so I had to go there around 4:30 and practice with my partner -we were doing a presentation on Financial Aid- until Thursday which was college night. (Which, thankfully, the practice payed off)

OH and FANTASTICK practices were Tuesday and Thursday from 2:30 -4:30, so I'd have to come home and get ready real quick

I had an APUSH quiz yesterday which I stayed up for and a Physiology test, but my Physio teacher was sick so the class was super angry. We studied all night for a chapter we hadn't even learned (just taking stupid notes)!

And I had my EAC interview yesterday (insha'Allah, I'll become Events Commissioner!)

So yeah.. all's well that ends well. I arrived from Sciencepalooza today around 1 o'clock and I am tired as hell.

-shakes fist- I better get into my college of choice for this AND get into NHS D<

(Next week, I have even more stuff to do :D Plus a UC Berkley Campus tour! HOORAH!)

Current Events:

8.8 Earthquake in Chile, with a huge aftershock

Tsunami warnings in the Pacific (including California)

How the world is ending :D

I'll discuss this all in another post in about an hour, for now, I'm going to go sleep.

Toodles :)

Happy SAD!

February 14th, 2010

errr.... yeah :D

Happy SAD!

or Singles Awareness Day!

I find it a much more interesting alternative to Valentine's Day.

Honestly, I think Valentine's Day is the most wasteful, overhyped, and commercialized holiday (next to Christmas of course).

It really has no meaning, other than spending half your paycheck on teeth-rotting chocolates and valentine's that last 5 hours or less.

It's not that I hate love. But I don't think you should be proclaiming your love on this one day.

SHOVE IT CORPORATE AMERICA! I WON'T HAND YOU MY HARD EARNED CASH FOR ONE DAY!

....

Okay, rant-over ;D

I basically spent the day indoors, on the computer (finishing up Section 3 of drivers ed) and reading "No god but God" by Reza Aslan.

I've had the book for nearly a month now, and I try to read it whenever I can. It's extremely insightful and eye-opening.

It's like everything I was taught about the history of Islam wasn't quite clear, or specific.

-the bulk of my Islamic history lessons did come from Sunday school... which didn't end well, lol-

It's great ^_^ I bookmarked many pages, and will probably do some posts on some topics.

I recommend the book (which I first heard of on LK's blog, Ink Blots on Blue Abayas)

Peace out :)

Valentine's Day/ Driving School/ Fiqh of Love & no voice

February 12th, 2010

Hey people!

Today was a half day at school since it is going to be winter break so I got out of school at 11:55 am (lol yes 55! not just Noon)

Me and my amigos went to the mall to watch "Valentine's Day"

Of course I was just expecting another FAIL plot/romcom

and I got it.

The only good part was seeing Taylor Lautner! ( :'D)

Would I recommend anyone to see it?

Hell no. It sucked that bad.

Just watch it online if you're dying for some celebrity action

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After the mall, I came home and finally decided to sign up (read: PAY) for driving school online. That way I can:

+ Get the pink/white/yellow/blue -depending on who you ask- slip so I can

+Take (PAY) my permit test, then

+Practice (PAY) for a minimum of six hours with a driving instructor and wait for

+6 months to

+Take (PAY) for my driver's test

And hopefully, I'll pass first time

I'm not holding my breath.

So far I've done two sections that were around 13- 16 pages of reading each and passed the quizzes at the end.

Two more sections to go .___.

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I didn't expect to go anywhere since my Dad had airport today (he's a taxi cab driver -whom I am PROUD to call my father- and every other day is his turn at the airport; you can make the most money there so every cab gets a fair chance)

But my older brother was coming down from UCD today and my uncle picked him up. When he dropped him off, he asked if I wanted to go the masjid for the 'Fiqh of Love' program.

It's an Al-maghrib class that costs $135 dollars for an intense 10 am to 8 pm classes from Saturday and Sunday. Today was a free preview day.

There was much buzz about the program and I know plenty of my friends had signed up, so I agreed to go last minute even though I was an hour late.

The agreement for my uncle taking me was that I had to sleep over at my aunt's house (they are my mother's siblings) so I threw on an abaya over my pajamas and threw a toothbrush in my bag.

Ready to go!

When I got the masjid (and finally spotting my friends in a sea of hijabis... you know, we all look alike from behind!) I seriously have to say the topic was ...

beyond BORING.

Maybe it might've been livelier early on during the 2 hour program (I doubt it)

But the speaker was just speaking -duh- about the jealous surrounding the Prophet's wives and about them individually (maybe, I missed a HUGE part of the lecture)

I didn't know the Prophet had 10 wives (and one concubine, though there's a difference of opinion)

So at around 10, my uncle dropped me off here, at my Aunt's house, where I am proceeding to spend the night.

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Oh.

And I've lost my voice partially since Wednesday.

It was at its worst yesterday, thursday, but now it's down to a husky-ness?

UGH. It sucks because I can't speak clearly and I can't yell.

Imagine falling behind a group of friends and you can't yell at them to wait

They get farther, and farther... while you are forced to walk fast or jog through a crowd.

-shudder-

Anyway, hopefully this cold/allergy/funkystuff goes away soon!

And in time for SAD, HAPPY SAD! (on sunday.. not today)

So yeah, that's my crazy day. Wait until TOMORROW.

<3

January 21, 2010

Do you sometimes wish that you could apologize to the people you've hurt in the past?

Or apologize for your own behavior?

Without looking like a jerk?

Or are you frightened that it would only bring up old wounds and memories that should be best left forgotten?

That with your new persona and appearance, it is unnecessary to ask for such forgiveness because you are - as you claim and as they believe-,

a 'Whole New You'?

But somewhere, deep inside, you feel a tug, a nagging, of that regret

a glimmer of remorse,

whenever you hear news pertaining to that past

that person,

And it takes all of the strength within you to calm down those rush of emotions

To not bring up that anger or hurt, jealousy or spite

So you click the 'X' mark on that page and turn around

Wiping away all thoughts

And beginning again.

Today was a good day

(This post is from January 15th, 2009)

I'm back!

from the graveeeee!

-cough-

Today was the day of my LAST final!

Math.

And because I only had one final, I got out 2 hrs later at 10 am :D

I arrived home around 10:30 and was mesmerized by the television for an hour (Big Mama 2 was on :P)

When my Dad came home I had to get ready for an award ceremony.

I hadn't mentioned it at all on this blog, -no idea why, must've slipped my mind-, but I had won 1st place at my school for a MLK Jr Contest.

There were three types of entries; Writing, Art and Multimedia.

It all had to incorporate or be about, this quote from MLK:

"The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends towards justice."

Honestly, this was extra credit for my English class (15 pts!) so I spent only an hour writing the essay, the night before it was due.

A month later I got a call saying I had won first place. -le gasp-

That was pretty amazing, and I'm glad I won (however, the person who won District for writing - I won 1st only at my school- wrote a MUCH better piece)

I spent last night, thursday, preparing for what to wear.
(Thanks so much to Aifa from aifasuitcase , she did a request on looklet for me.. yes I actually stressed on what I was going to wear in-between studying :P... I went with the first looklet outfit but instead of a black dress it was grey!)

Oh and something that you should always keep handy?

Lint Remover.

You'll never know how much you need it until it's the last minute and there's fuzzy stuff all over your black slacks.

Dang it.

We arrived at 1:00pm, it was the exhibition of the first place essays and art. I found mine and was extremely excited.

(If you're wondering where the rest of my family was, keep in mind it was a friday afternoon, my siblings were all at school and my mom at work. My dad took the day off :D)

Unfortunately, the heels -wedges?- I bought were a 9w (w apparently stands for wide -.-) and they were open-toed so I had to cling to the front of the shoes with my silver lacquered toes, making my heels dangerously close to popping out of the shoe.

-sigh- I'm going to have to return those later.

I was so nervous of tripping out my shoes when we had to cross the stage, but thankfully I only ended up looking like a hunchback, shuffling my feet across the stage and shaking hands with the Coordinators or something.

But this wasn't even the beginning of my day.

As another gift for our 'exemplary work', me and the other recipients got 3 tickets each for tonight's Harlem Globetrotter's game.

Although I have 6 other people in my family (that includes myself), it would be enough for my older brother, younger sister and Dad to go. (My mom doesn't mind, and my younger brother gets the Xbox 360 to himself)

What about me you ask?

Well ya see, this program that I'm part of where I live (Digital Connectors, volunteering in the community and 'bridging the gap between technology and people' -sounds like I'm reading it off the handbook-) also got me and the other members tickets to tonight's Harlem Globetrotters game.

Coincidence? I think not.

I was looking forward to this for week's and after eating out with my dad (and encountering a semi-senile old lady, but that's another story) I got home around 5 and changed out of my formal wear.

We had to leave around 6 pm. (well me and the other 'Digital Connectors, the game didn't start until 7:30 and my older brother comes back from UC Davis at around 6:30 by train; all according to plan :D)

The tickets for DC -digital connectors-, were for one of those cool V.I.P rooms with the box and couches. We sat a bit above the regular stadium -cough- commoners -cough- but still had a great view :D

But the tickets my family had were the commoner seats. I saw them from my throne seat.

(And yes, I cracked that commoner joke all evening)

It ended at around 10 pm (Ha! My day started at 10 and ended at 10 funny.)

I got autographs with the team and some pictures!

All in all, it was an extremely fun/busy/important/crazy day.

And if this post doesn't make any sense... blame it on the sugar and that fact that's 11:30 while I write this...

I might post this later. Toodles!

Grr to this week, GRR

January 11, 2010

This week is finals week!

-crickets chirping-

Yeah, I don't have much enthusiasm either.

-sigh-

I have my 1st period final, AP U.S History tomorrow (2 hours stuck in a classroom -.-)

then my 2nd period Physiology and 3rd period French is on Wednesday

4th period Ap English and 5th period Drama (we're doing a skit) on Thursday

And HORRIBLE MATH ANALYSIS ON FRIDAY T______T <-- that's a sad face

Due to the stupidness of this week, I shall be off blogger, studying late into the night and generally losing my mind :P

And uhh, I should be studying right now. It's nearly 7 pm and I haven't studied yet.

See, if I had learned how to make time move slowly, I could be wasting time and still get my work done.

...

Maybe the squirrels will take me in again.

Shakin' and Rollin'

January 9th, 2010

Three times this week, there were earthquakes.

I only felt one of them and that was in the middle of class. It wasn't that bad, but it was a 4.2 or something.

Apparently today in Eureka, California (I don't live anywhere near there fortunately)

There was a 6.5 earthquake (keep in mind that Loma Prieta was a 6.9)

Holy sh-

Were all of these mini-quakes building up to this? Or is there something larger coming up?

Time to get my earthquake emergency kit together (if we still have it ...) and to remember that

"STOP, DROP AND ROLL" is for fires only.

Behind the Wheel

So yesterday, after being picked up at school by my dad, we went out to eat- a weekly ritual.

While driving home, I asked him if he'd ever let me 'test out' the car in an empty parking lot- like he had done with my older brother a couple years ago.

"Sure why not?"

I was psyched out you guys. I'm of age to get my driver's license, but I'm so lazy, I haven't even gotten my Permit yet!

So we drove to the movie theaters/flea market, it was a monday afternoon- totally dead.

Along the way he was showing me how to use only one foot for both the gas and brakes and to gently press the brakes.

When we finally got there, my heart started beating overtime

I was trying to not get worked up over nothing

*flash of the car turning over*

My dad noticed and told me to "Calm down, if you feel confident, you'll do well."

Even if it was just a test drive.

We both got out of the car and switched seats.

Just feeling the steering wheels in between my hands felt empowering.

And when I let go of the breaks and was going at a very slow (not when you're the one driving) 10 miles per hour, I felt a need for speed.

I learned how to turn (I hit the gas when turning and my dad nearly jumped out of his seat, "The car can turn over!" SEE MY FEARS ARE CONFIRMED) and park.

The fastest I went was 25 miles per hour (hehe I'm the DareDevil!)

It was exhilarating ^_^

Which makes me all the more determined to get my Permit this month and insha'Allah, be driving by the summer.

Wish me luck :P (including on my Finals, next week, so no posting at all next week)

Jummah, Food and Movies

Okay, so I lied.

I'm posting two days after. But headache is a legitimate reason!

Friday:

Jummah

Err, belated Jummah Mubarak people!

I woke up at 9 am for the first time in a week and went to the Masjid. Oddly, I expected a khutbah that had to do something with Jesus (as) or Christmas but got nothing.

Just a khutbah about the Prophet (saw) and the Companions.

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Food

We went to a Pakistani restaurant and ate FOOD! Obviously, but I loved this restaurant.

And that's basically it about the food. There was a Cricket game going on that was pre-recorded, but the diners cheered on just the same.

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Movies

Yup, I saw the blue people movie.

The graphics and 3-D were AWESOME.

Sadly, even though we were there like 15 minutes early, the room was PACKED.

So we had to sit in the third row.

Yes, my back and neck still hurts.

But all of those pretty colors made up for it.

The plot? Very predictable {Highlight for spoilers}

{I mean, I think we all kind of guessed that the main character would beat the baddies (in this case humans) But I liked Zoe Saldana's role and of course her and Jake Sully -protagonist- would end being the Tribe leaders. }

The SAVE THE EARTH message rang loud and clear.

All in all, it was an interesting Friday....

maybe I should start my Winter Break homework ._.

A perfect Saturday night (lil' misty eyed)

December 12th, 2009

Tonight, I attended my school play.

(Sidenote: I wore the fascinator I won from Alysha over at V.I. Couture and have Pics to prove it muwahahaha!)

This year it was The Laramie Project (please withhold negative commentary)

I'm in Drama at my school (can't draw, don't feel like playing piano, I regret not doing choir, sooo theater it is!) so we had watched the movie adaption months ago.

The movie moved me beyond measure, so what else did I expect from the play? It included my own peers.

I was blown away.

It was so heart-breaking and inspiring at the same time. I even wrote a review for my English class (granted I could earn extra credit for that AND my drama class but still, I tried.)

Hate crimes do affect everyone; it doesn't matter what you are but who you are as an individual that counts.

RIP Matthew Shepard.

(My friend totally could've played Zubaida Ula- hijabi character in the play!)

[I would extemporize more on this issue but enough said, I'm trying to be light-hearted at the moment... even if I nearly cried near the end of the play)

Projecting one's own fears

December 9th, 2009

Warning: INSANELY LONG POST (well not really)

If you feel uncomfortable regarding posts on race, than please refrain from commenting. This post has nothing to do with Islam.

So, hopefully, many of you know that I'm in mostly in high level classes in my high school, right?

And do any of you remember the anxiety I felt when I was still taking Journalism during the beginning of this school year?

Well, in my English and U.S history classes (both Advanced Placement so.. work -ugh-), I am...

no, I'm NOT the only minority; if you look at it, it seems that the majority is actually the minority in these classes.

Instead, I'm the minority of the minorities.

Funny right?

1st period history, the bane of my existence, is where I'm the only representation of my race and religion. [Black, Muslim; Sure, I'm East African, but to everyone else I'm black( or African American) , so I will refer to myself as so]

However in 4th period English, there are two other muslims; one who's Indian and male (so you'd never know) and another who's Asian and female (she wears hijab too, so you'd assume we'd be best buds.)

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Before I continue, I'd like to start with an Oprah quote (don't hate)

"Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism"

I do my best. I do better than my best.

It's like this unconscious need to somehow 'prove' myself . That I am not some stereotype

(this need to dispel stereotypes is very annoying and stressful in my everyday life. I always have to 'second-guess' myself and see who I hang out with)

What I thought and still think to be a moment of subtle racism or at the very least (low expectations):

So, English is my strong point. I love it. I love writing, I can memorize vocabulary easily; so it's no surprise I get good grades on the tests. But every time we have a test, she always walks down my row so much more often than the other rows. After asking my brother -who had her- about it, he waved it away and said that she always goes down one row more often than others. So I brushed it aside. We switched seats monthly and when we took a quiz, it happened, AGAIN. I have an A average in this class, and if she presumes that I'm cheating; well that's hurtful and damaging to all of my efforts as a student in that class.

One can easily -knowing my brother's not so well score in that class- dismiss such paranoia and say that maybe I'm just like my brother.

Umm, that's still a bad; maybe even worse.

Assuming that a) I'm not good in English just because a sibling wasn't

b) That I'd resort to cheating so as not to become A

c) That with repeated high test scores, one would still fall to such low levels to sniff out a 'cheat'

And worse yet, there ARE students who cheat in that class. Many who cheat in ALL classes thanks to SIBLING. But how would the teacher know? She never goes down any other row after all.

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Which brings me to the point of this post.

Projecting my fears of racism onto others; that maybe, I somehow distort the reality, claiming that I'm a victim.

I don't openly digress such issues of race with people; certainly not with people who I just know will not fully understand me.

And I don't 'prefer' the company of my own race; nor do I hang out exclusively with hijabis or muslims or somalis.

But whenever I raise a hand in class or maybe make some folly; I grow self-conscious (or a more positive 'self-aware') of the results of my actions, and people's changing viewpoints of me.

Now honestly, I don't give a sh-- what anyone thinks of me; but I need to find solace on whether it's just that I'm perceiving racism- or in actuality, there is some sort of preference or subtle racism going on.

Don't think I'm discussing racism from only white people; I'm a minority of minorities, I'm talking about I feel with no one to to at the very least, vent to- with the knowledge that they would completely comprehend my feeling seeing as how they are 'the same as me.'

At least in those two classes. The reason why I don't talk much with the other muslims in the English class is:

1) You'd never know the guy was muslim, people just think he's 'indian' (shows how intelligent they are), and we have nothing in common.

2) She is quiet. And I mean, EXTREMELY QUIET. I've known her since the 7th grade and I've made many attempts to have a decent conversation. We walk to the MSA meetings and sometimes have a talk or two, but really, I'm not keen on being the only one talking in a conversation. Plus, sometimes I forget she's even in the same class due to the silence [somehow I feel like a bad hijabi whenever I go up and act out a play we're reading] We've also been in the same class for two years. Shame.

I hang out with mostly Asians, I'm not ashamed of it.

But there are some bad apples who are extremely racist.

They hate mexicans (majority at our school, but still minorities in the advanced classes), completely closed off to other cultures and are insensitive to my beliefs and who I am.

I tell those people off all the time and refuse to acknowledge their presence when I'm with my own group of friends (a mix of Indian, Filipino, Vietnamese, e.t.c)

So again, this is partially me talking outloud and trying to figure out if I'm projecting my own fears onto certain people in my advanced classes and french class; or maybe I'll just be black-balled as the 'over-emotional' POC. Maybe I didn't reach a conclusion in this post, or a viable solution to my 'problem' which will only be regarded as such until a person of majority sees it as important; but it's still justified and it's still important to me.

This post has turned into a rant/digression, so excuse the lack of structure. And this post has nothing to do with Islam; I made a post partially concerning that

Leave me and my rant be.

Thank you for reading this insanely long post

www.stuffwhitepeopledo.blogspot.com (you'll probably feel confirmed that this was an anti-white post but it wasn't and it has nothing to do with that; but the blog linked above just makes me feel as if there are people out there who understand; even if no one's experience is quite the same.)

Being 'Proper'

Asalamu Alaikum ladees!

Did you guys have a good Eid? I hope you did because I know I did :D

Unfortunately it rained on my parade (literally) and I could feel the carefully applied foundation dripping away.

-sigh-

But other than that, my maternal Uncle had gotten married last year and his wife (who is a convert from Romania -my maternal family is pretty diverse in their marriage partners) brought me some turkish hijabs!

I can't believe they remembered that when I had only said it in a passing comment when I heard they were going to Turkey a couple months ago!

I got black, white, purple and a patterned purple one <3

She even taught me how to wear it!

I can't wait to get a coat to wear it with. Yeah, I see great things in my future -insha'Allah-

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*Vague on purpose*

Why can't everyone learn to accept each others differences?

If you tell someone over and over again to change something benign about their appearance you're only making yourself look bad.

Although you could argue that you're trying to 'forbid an evil' (And yeah I'm all for it and willing to hear it)

A person's choice of wardrobe is their choice.

Maybe they like their jeans and skirts and sandals.

Maybe they have done their research and just decide to opt out of something they don't perceive as obligatory.

Take your self-righteousness and shove it.

We can't all be perfect like you

************************************************************************

I dislike many people's definition of Islam, it's such a false dichotomy; you either do it this way or you're doing it wrong.

These people love to have such precise ways of doing something that it irks me.

I mean, really?, there's a detailed paragraph on how to wash yourself after you take a piss?

Really?

And there's always some hadith giving an exact play by play on how to do wudu, eat, sleep, walk and talk that I wonder how people can like being so constricted.

Islam is such a beautiful way of life, but people love to narrow it down

-boxing it in-

that things that shouldn't be overthought "dang it, I forgot to step in with my left foot" are taking so much more importance to the things that should matter

(i.e have you paid your zakat yet?)

But if you like to adhere to strict rules, than go wild, sorry for feeling differently about it.

It kind of reminds me of a story in the Qur'an of how Moses tells his people about Allah swt wanting them to sacrifice a cow.

(Do you all remember that story?)

And how essentially they asked for more and more detail on what kind of cow they wanted that Allah swt gave them an almost impossible task.

They took what was a general order

-just find a cow-

and made it so much harder

He said: "He says: A heifer not trained to till the soil or water the fields; sound and without blemish." They said: "Now hast thou brought the truth." Then they offered her in sacrifice, but not with good-will. (2:71)

Islam rocks you guys, seriously, but I'm not a conformist

(at least that's what I tell myself in the hopes that one day it'll ring true in all aspects of my life)

and I love the simple beauty of Islam that I find in the Qur'an and the not-so-detailed aspects of the Sunnah.

I agree that the Prophet (saw) was the final prophet and one of the best men of all time (leads to a link containing some snippets of music)

But some muslims frighten me in their near-worship of the Prophet (saw). Celebrations like mawlid- but I can't be a hypocrite, I attend those once a year just to see friends I see.. once a year or so-, and people following his example to the licking of their fingers.

I'm not criticizing, really, but he was just a man who delivered to us the beautiful message of Islam.

And ya just don't worship the messenger.

“But as for those who believe in God and His apostles and make no distinction between any of them – unto them, in time, will He grant their re wards [in full]. And God is indeed much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace. (4:152)

-steps down from soapbox-

Okay, I'm done being the type of person I'm ranting about.

But if anyone feels in complete disagreement with what I've written that they're starting to froth and seethe in angry rage at such a big-mouthed infidel- the x button is always on the right hand corner-

Thank you and have a nice day/night/evening/afternoon/whatever

Those who believe (in the Qur'an), and those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Christians and the Sabians,- any who believe in Allah and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. (2:62)

After much procrastination

I went out and bought my Eid outfit :]

Money's been tight this year, so alhamdulillah that I was able to buy myself and my sister outfits (with my money ya know)

I was also doing some retail therapy, there's been a lot on my mind lately so I buying a new vest couldn't hurt now could it? -well maybe my wallet-

I bought a top and cardigan for my eid ensemble, and a grey vest just for fun!

Tomorrow is a half day at school (ends at noon ) so THANK YOU GOD!

On Monday we had to endure a Code Red drill (do you know how pointless those are? I mean A) if a shooter was smart enough, he/she would know that people would be barricading and B) What if it were a conspiracy and had people INSIDE the rooms to.. just wondering)

I spent over an hour in my french class and most of it was in a corner with my fellow classmates (at least we were bribed with cookies)

And also tomorrow me, my father and my sister will be driving up to Davis to get my brother for the holidays!

But his class ends at 10 PM, so we'll get to hang out in Sacramento for the entire day :D

Insha'Allah this holiday weekend will be AWESOME

Take care you guys, and don't be alarmed if I don't blog much :]

Masha'Allah!

Okay so I don't know why I haven't told anyone yet (It's a busy week, two essays in-class tomorrow, no wonder)

but, guess who is going to hajj?!

..

obviously not me, I'm bloggin' here!

....

MY GREAT-GRANDMA (my mom's mom's mom)!

Masha'Allah! She went to Hajj with her sister (great-grand aunt), and her own two children (my grand aunt and uncle)!

She's most likely around 80 something since back in Ethiopia (my mother's side is Oromo/Somali/Yemeni but more Oromo for my great-grandma) she married when she was 15-16.

Seriously.

Now I'm not 15 but when my Aunt called to wish me a happy birthday she jokingly said "You know, girls your age are married back in Africa"

They marry in their teens and it may seem like such a culture shock but that's not what this post was even about.

I just wanted to say that my great-granny (who I've never met only seen in photos) is going for I think her first time to Hajj!

Wow! There's like 4 generations of women in my family. I really want to get a picture of me, her, my grandma and my mom. It would be very awesome.

Please make Dua'a that she'll stay safe and have a great time (come on it's Hajj!)

Wow, it's going to be mon anniversaire!

November 14th, 2009

Tomorrow is my birthday you guys, only exciting thing about this weekend.

Today, I spent six-hours in a SAT prep thing, and it felt like forever [turns out I forgot a lot of my geometry and algebra]

But tomorrow isn't going to be special at all, my little 'luncheon' is cancelled, I don't expect anything from my family ('we don't celebrate birthdays' is code for 'too expensive' although my family never took birthdays seriously anyway), but I can look forward to homework.

woo *sarcasm*

Schools been taking up my time hence lack of posts, but I have a really nice one in my head, I just can't seem to express it well while typing.

Eh, we'll see. Anywho just felt like not making this weekend an entire bust because I have you guys dear readers/blogs I read.

Maybe I do need a hobby.

-ModestJustice

Rain, Rain, Go Away

October 13th, 2009

It's raining in California!

Alhamdulillah!

But it's been quite the storm.

Last night, I was excited about the oncoming rain, I had my coat ready, boots set to go and a new umbrella!

I was ready for a natural disaster!

Then, when I woke up and felt the cold, heard the pitter patter of the rain outside, I burrowed back under my covers and tried to think warm, happy thoughts.

I love rain in theory you guys, not in actuality.

You wanna know how wet jeans feel like?

You don't wanna know.

I mean, simply sitting in the dry confines of your home and looking at the rain is great

But actually being in the rain?

A whole 'nother story -shiver-

But thankfully, I made it home, with soaking jeans and literal water weight.

Tomorrow's plan:

Do it all over again!