Saturday, September 12, 2009

Crosswalks are like Runways

I dropped journalism.

I actually dropped it a week ago.

It was awkward, it was tense, it was.....

You know how you get that feeling when you're the odd one out?

I always felt it in that class.

I knew absolutely no one, and although my 'love for writing' should have have fueled my insistence of staying and helping to diversify the news team (which was my ultimate goal) I hadn't thought of my classes all the way through.

I decided to not take a science this year, thereby making myself less 'competitive' (as my college
errr guidance counselor puts it) for top UCs

At first, it didn't bother me because I had honors classes throughout high school, but then, I kept thinking about what would happen if I didn't get into a good university (state was and still isn't an option in my family or to me)

I'd disappoint myself and my family.

Why was I taking high classes? Why was I competing with my friends (albeit secretly) for the best grades and top classes?

Because I wanted to enter a good university, get a good career, get a better life than the ones my parent's had (their words) and be something.

To some people, this may seem a bit superficial (geez, giving up a writing class because you didn't fit in? taking a science class because you HAVE to get into the best college? grow up) but it matters to me.

This is my American dream that I want to realize (yes, that's a summer's worth of AP English reading talking right now) and fulfill, no matter the consequences.

I don't want to live in an apartment for the rest of my life.

I want to own a house and buy myself a car, and travel the world and swim with the sharks (okay not the last part, I'm terrified of sharks)

To me, having a career and the means to live comfortably equals success.

But as classic tragedies (Jay Gatsby, Willy Lowman anyone?) tell me, these are false fantasies.
That I shouldn't aspire to have abundant wealth because it's nothing.

It won't follow me to the grave, it won't guarantee happiness.

But it can buy things that give happiness, it can give a better life.

*********************************
So what class am I taking now?

I'm in Physiology learning about anatomy and dissection that can help in the medical field I might enter in.

Because I have to.

Because I want a better life.

9 comments:

Mona said...

This post was so well written, Modest! I hope you feel good about Physiology.

sultani said...

Salaam sister
I love reading your blog. Plse make the date of your writings clear. It is difficult to know when you publish your thoughts.

Ramadan Karim

Sarah Alaoui said...

aww Death of a Salesman..love that book.

have you looked into AP Environmental Science? Easy A...science, but not so tough. easy AP test as well.

you'll turn out fine and be glad you're done with it all. I went through all these thoughts and I'm totally fine now :)

Hijabis On Ranting Tour. said...

the reason i have been in hybernation as u put it is prety much seem reason as u
ive been studyin in order to have a "great life" etc
lol
good luck to us both
xxxxxx
ramadan nd eid kareem/mubarak
love ya
xxx
naz

.::Tuttie::. said...

I just invited you to my site! can you tell me what you think? HONESTLY. I have a lot riding on it.

ModestJustice said...

Mona: Thanks :] It's actually going a better now, I'm actually learning (not staring at a wall for 50 minutes) plus I know some people. Better than nothing :)

Sultani: salaam :D Thanks, I'll just add the date to my posts from now on since I don't know how to automate it :D I do that with the font too, just enlarge it ^^

Sarah Alaoui: It's a pain to read when you have a week left before school starts haha :D Yeah I did look into APEs but I totally didn't want to do all of the work- I'm already doing two, I didn't feel like uh pressuring myself lol (read:lazy)

Naz: Does this mean I can call you a bear? lol just kidding, but yes Insha'Allah! Ramadan Kareem girl :D You better post before eid!

Tuttie: I saw the site! I joined :DDD Let the shopping COMMENCE!

Candice said...

It's not worth suffering through courses just for better "competitiveness", but it is worth putting some extra effort for it... I did science and chemistry for this reason, and continued on in CÉGEP (in our system it's between highschool and university) but that's when I realized it was not my domain and was not worth taking, I dropped it for the next semester and took courses that I was more interested in.
Keep up the hard work! Hope all your dreams do come true!

Anonymous said...

Adam says:

You got the code of succsess!!! Study hard and get the things that give happiness. You have the blood of a hardworking Somali. American dream and Somali blood are well in tunes. Keep going......

Hijabis On Ranting Tour. said...

@modest lol
siis where did u tag me i didnt see any tag from you
inshalla ill post before eid but i dont even know what to say
ill try and go post now
lol
salaamz
xxx
naz

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