Thursday, May 14, 2009

Let's all get personal!

Today, I happily logged onto Facebook (not Twitter, die Twitter die!!!) and noticed a message in my inbox.

Well actually 3 but two were from the groups I'm in.

The third e-mail was from someone whom I was estranged with for nearly a year.

I won't say what kind of relation she is to me, or if at all because people in my personal life do not know this (well besides the family, but they know everything derr)

So as I click in the message wondering how rare it is, it's a simple message.

"Everyone has forgiven each other, ironic eh?"

This refers to the division between members of our family (cough still not telling you what she is to me cough).

Every once in a while they get mad at each other and don't talk for a while. But this one was apparently pretty big.

This person's mother was mad at my mother and several other relations and all of a sudden by phone it's one big love fest.

Except for me and her.

That's the irony.

Now don't jump to conclusions, believe me, I tried to reach out to her and apologize but I didn't know what to apologize for, what had I done? I'd e-mailed and she'd said to knock it off.

I ASKED for forgiveness, I APOLOGIZED for I have no idea what, and she DIDN'T forgive.

Frankly, I was tired of begging for someone who obviously didn't want to budge and I was very hurt about it.

Then I left it all up to Allah swt, and just ended contact but was open if she ever wanted to contact me.

So what was my answer you ask?

"Very ironic,
But I think it's never too late" I can still apologize and would gladly welcome her friendship again.

However, a part of me is still hugely hurt and angry about the past year. There were times I wanted to talk to her and needed her there because she was so much like a best friend to me. (I never call my friends my 'best friend', she was exclusively that) And with the amount of 'trust' I have with my friends, there IS no one I trust enough to even care about my 'so-called' problems.

(Oh Gawd, this isn't an emotional post is it? Don't worry it isn't, it's just misplaced anger at a person I'd readily forgive)

This time, though, I understand that in reality, I can't trust anyone too deeply except Allah swt.

It's a cruel world, pack some tissues.

P.S I don't know if it's an invitation to an forgiveness or anything. But now, I don't care if it is.

P.P.S I delayed posting this because I wasn't even sure if she would message me back. Turns out she did, today 5-20-09.

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